Why you may feel stuck & 3 things to try to move forward

While I could never begin to pretend to know what it feels like to be exactly where you are in this situation of your life right now, I can attempt to offer a broad schematic that may just have a glimmer of insight. If you catch a glint of an answer within the following points, you can apply it to your current situation and run with it into your personal experience. It’s bound to help get you dislodged from where you feel you are in this moment; even just to pivot in a different direction.

1)      Fear of pain & trauma to begin again: If you feel stuck, it may be because a significantly traumatic event occurred in the most recent or somewhat distant past that has caused you to freeze in this place of paralysis. This is a common response and not something to be ashamed of or guilty about. You may have a healthy fail-safe system in place to keep you out of future trouble. While it’s a common response, it’s inconvenient and may be lasting longer than you’d like it to. If you’re aware of this, you may be exceedingly close to budging out of this rut and ready to move forward.

2)      Fear of failure and/or success: It may be that you have an ever-nagging thought coming from the back of your mind saying: “Don’t bother; you’re likely to fail.” If this is your current subconscious thought, it may be a common protective response to keep you from perceived failure in an attempt to keep you safe. Any time we take a calculated or uncalculated risk, we are at the mercy of our leap of faith. Many people perceive “failure” to be something they cannot bounce back from; especially if past failures have caused a blow to the ego or diminished your self-confidence. Fear of success can be a suspension of the fear of failure. “What if I succeed only to fail the next time?” “What if I succeed and am met with a greater feat ahead?”

3)      A subtle addiction to comfortability: Whether it’s advancing in your career, re-introducing fitness, losing weight, gaining weight, stopping smoking/vaping, letting go of unhealthy friendships or relationships or trying something new, the thought of this alone can be terrifying to some. We are creatures of habit who rarely like to break pattern. Our subconscious loves to keep us at baseline and preserve homeostasis.

So, what can we do to get UNSTUCK?

1)      Desensitize yourself: Again, never would I ever attempt to minimize the intensity of your trauma. However, we as humans have a natural tendency within our minds to have some distortion and expansion on both negative and positive life events. In other words, you can remind yourself to look at the past traumatic event through the lens of an observer: as if you were watching a story play out in your mind.  Remind yourself that the brain has a tendency to generalize and that, most of the time, the things we may be anticipating may Never happen again.

2)      Strip Emotion from the equation: It may seem easier said than done, but a big reason we are avoiding a big move or change in these areas of life is the concern of having to face some pain. Pain in life is inevitable, certain types of pain can help us grow, and pain can be a great communicator to us. If we strip the emotion from the equation, we can view factors of our change more as data and look at things more analytically.  (i.e. – “I tried this new task and was unable to complete the task. This does not mean I am incapable; it means I may need to try it again several times or get more information.”) If we can view what so many refer to as “failure” as temporary pause on success, or delayed success and view our mistakes as “data,” we can move forward with more momentum.

3)      Practice discomfort: As creatures of habit, we have an opportunity to introduce growth factor into our lives: this can move us closer to our goals and help us get “unstuck.” Doing several new and uncomfortable things more regularly can break us out of pattern. Start visualizing, imagining, pretending, and fantasizing about what it is you would like to begin to do. Try a different way into work, practice increased eye contact, try your coffee unsweetened, try skipping a meal, turn the water cold for 15-30 seconds after your shower, try standing outside barefoot in the snow for 30 seconds, speak to someone new and make it your goal to make them smile or feel more empowered by the time your conversation is over. The brain doesn’t know the difference between reality or fantasy so remember to picture your desired outcome regularly so your subconscious believes it to be the truth. Then, look for opportunities to trust your gut with inspired action!

When you implement these 3 steps, you’ll find that you’re further along then you were only to find you’re not stuck, but moving forward. It doesn’t need to be 90 miles per hour. It can be a stroll, a steady stride and, in time, you’ll develop a habit of movement that keeps your behavior in motion.